I love books, coffee, travelling, and plants. Okay, I love many things. So I saw a friend reading Year of Yes, a book by Shonda Rhimes. I am a fan of Shonda’s work, from Grey’s anatomy to scandal. So when I saw that book, I just wanted to read it. I wanted to see what Shonda could do outside the TV. I was excited.
This book is part a memoir, part a novel, and maybe a personal growth type of book. It was just everything. Reading it was like sitting with Shonda in her living room and having a friendly talk. (a girl can dream)The book is fun and relatable.
It spoke to me and for me. It was like Shonda was telling the story of my life. Okay, not the part where she is all successful. Everybody knows her. She can go anywhere she wants. She can take a private jet for a two-day holiday.
How the book spoke for me:
NO
It is the first chapter of the book. Yes, ‘NO’ is a word and a complete sentence if you did not know that. It is a word that I use often. Saying NO is not a bad thing, but saying NO to everything now is a problem.
This chapter starts with Shonda’s sister telling her that she never says YES to anything. According to her sister, Shonda says NO to everything. NO to having fun, NO to that fancy dinner somebody invited her to, NO to TV interviews, NO to everything that involved her going out of the house to meet people. When she sat down and reflected on it, that was when she decided it was time to change. It was a time to get out of her comfort zone. It was time to live. It is when and where the ‘year of yes’ came to life.
It is the story of my life. Okay, forget the part about fancy dinners and TV interviews. That part isn’t my life. But you get the idea. I say NO to everything that involves me getting ready, all dressy and leaving my home. It is just that my house is comfortable. I love it here. I don’t have to pretend to like something or talk.
But out there, I have to pretend to like something. I have to find something to talk about while all I want is to listen and laugh. Or smile and respond to what I think of whatever is being discussed in my head. I can’t say it out loud. I sometimes laugh in my head because my opinions are fun. And maybe nobody will agree with them, but they are funny in my head.
Okay. I try. I sometimes go to a few get-together events or anything that involve meeting people. I enjoy it a few minutes in. Then my mind starts to wonder what I could be doing at home, which usually is nothing, maybe sleeping or a movie or a book. I mean doing anything but at home.
One time my partner at the time wanted to go to a movie. But he didn’t tell me that plan of his earlier, so I didn’t know “we” had that plan. See, I like to know early if I have to do anything that involves me going out. (Well, except work or bookshop or coffee shop) So I said NO at first. He was so pissed, then I changed my mind and decided to go last minute. He had to wait for me, but he was still pissed. Things like this push me to want to change.
See, my life is a routine. When I was in college, I had the same routine; Class, cafeteria (I took my food to go), my room, church, workout, movies, studying, writing, eating, reading and repeat. After college, now that I am an adult, nothing has changed much real! It is just that now I don’t have to go to class and think of coursework. Everything is the same + plus now I get to travel because I can afford it. (sort of). I love travelling.
Okay, my friends are doing a good job. Friendship is a two-way street. You have to show up for them. I am grateful for them because they are making this challenge a success.
We, I am saying “we” because I know I am not the only one. We tend to say NO to things that make us uncomfortable. We are scared that we might not be good at them. NO is our escape strategy, and NO is our hiding spot, but how long will we say NO to things that scare us? Or the things that make us uncomfortable?
YES
This book, for Shonda, was to help her change her life in many ways. It was a year of saying YES to things that she would have never said YES to. It was a challenge to push herself out of her comfort zone. She started saying YES to things that scared her. Imagine saying YES to the things that you are scared of for a year. Yep, it is no joke.
A year of YES does not mean in any way that you should say YES to things that are illegal or immoral or things that might hurt you or others in any way; it is saying YES to things that might help you grow, things that might help you move from the person you were a year ago to a better person.
I tell you, there are so many things that we say NO to not because we want to, but because we are scared of saying YES to them, we get questions like what if it fails? What will people think of me if I do this?
Tell you what, why don’t both of us give this challenge a try? Say for a week. We can start slowly with the following things. If you see it is worth it, you keep adding to the list:
YES to happiness, love, and good health.
There is a point in our lives when we are too scared to fall in love deeply. Because well, same questions; what if I get hurt? What if I show this person how much I love them but decide I am not worth it? What if this or that? It makes make me happy, but what if it won’t be here tomorrow? You have a business idea, but you are afraid to take action. Because what if it doesn’t work? What if it fails like that business I tried in 1950?
Do you know what happens when you doubt yourself and everything you want to do? A missed opportunity that will never come again! Why don’t you give that business idea a try? Why don’t you love as if you have never been hurt before? How do you know that this is your chance to love if you don’t try? Or your breakthrough? Say YES to these things so, in the end, you can say you gave it your all. It just didn’t work.
How do you feel in your own body? Do you feel empowered? Do you love your body? What have you done lately that your body will thank you for tomorrow? Did you work out? Did you eat clean? Do you LOVE your BODY, the only HOME you will ever have? Do you accept it? Is there something you want to do to make it happy or thank it for everything it has been doing for you? Say YES to that.
Take that run or walk that you wanted to do for ages. Do you want to drink plenty of water? Do you want to have a green smoothie every morning or eat lots of fruit? Go ahead and do that.
YES to saying NO
Sometimes we say YES to things we want to say NO to because we are people pleasers. We know that saying NO will not please them. We say YES to things that will not make us happy simply because we are afraid of saying NO. Guess what? NO is a sentence. Don’t be forced to give explanations when you say NO.
I have said YES to countless things when I meant to say NO. I have said YES to events, but when the time to live my words comes, I resent myself every time I let that happen, and I tell you, it is way too many times to count.
I understand saying NO is a process. I have been in that process for a long time, but fingers crossed, I am getting there. There are those friends/people who would check on you only and only when they have something they need. They know you can help them. I mean, where were you two months ago? Start with these people. They need you at their convenience.
Do not get me wrong. I take responsibilities seriously, and should you too. So do your share. Live your words.
Life is too short to be uncomfortable in your comfort zone. Break some rules and see what happens. Go to that dinner you were invited to in 2000 if the offer still stands. Say YES to love, happiness, and good health.
Say yes to taking care of yourself and say YES to saying NO. Give this challenge a try. But if it does not work for you, then say NO to it and ditch it for something better.
Until next time, keep saying YES.
Jane 🙂
